The Come Down
Learning to appreciate boredom
This year was kind of intense. I was working as Penelope Trappes‘s Creative Director most of the year, taking P’s and my ideas and making them into real-life ‘things’. er. At least real digital things. The videos (9 of them!), photos, designs of artwork and merch to live visuals and DMX lighting/haze - all exist. I also made videos for Mogwai, Microcorps, Rafael Anton Irisarri and myself. But it all culminated in going on Penelope’s EU tour, transforming a lot of venues into dark, hazy, weird micro environments that appear to have an actual ‘production value’ - which really couldn’t be further from the truth.
My suitcase was 98% full of 4 used DMX stage lights and cables, which meant I kinda had to wear the same clothing each night. ew. tmi. I was there to work, ok… I sort of learned some DMX apps earlier in the year spending a lot of late nights playing around with a language created in 1986 that makes very little sense. less than MIDI.
Sometimes I’d get to do projections at the same time as running lights, which is like, near impossible, but thankfully Penelope’s music moves slowly, so it worked out! It was an absolute adventure, and I truly loved it all. You can do a lot with two people and a massive amount of positive drive.
Back to my original point, though. Now I am in the inevitable ‘Come Down’ period. I like it… I am sure we all experience this from time to time: mild depression and aimlessness moving into a liminal state, before switching gears to other things. It happens to coincide with the change of season in the UK, which is pretty gloomy. Gloom is beautiful as long as it stays mostly on the visual side. When it hits your mental state, I know it’s rough, so I’ve learned not to let it go there, thankfully.
The other thing it coincides with is the release of my album Inexorable Ascent on Nite Hive. I love this album so so much it hurts, even though I don’t have a lot of energy left to promote it or make amazing videos for it. It needed to come out in 2025 though, so I can move on to other music in 2026 - (getting the trans/queer doomcore band off the ground won’t be easy!) I am totally at peace with not making much of a dent in the world with this album. At this point, I feel like an outsider artist with music now. I guess I have been making visual art more - a shift that started a few years back. This year, musically, I played live two times. Once at the brilliant Wavetable in Edinburgh, and once at a festival in London that couldn’t afford my train fare to get there. Disheartening, yes, but the love is there. I take it more as a universal problem with art and music, coupled with the shit economy and political burnout, rather than directing venom to anyone within music. Promoters, venues, PR people, small labels and journalists have it just as hard as the music makers. But still, it was the first time in my life I played for less than free. Sign o the times.
It’s November 12. I am thinking I’ll spend the remainder of the year journaling where I want to go with visuals, microdosing psilocybin, meditating, walking to the sea, drawing up plans for my film idea, and trying my best to stay off my laptop. Hard for a workaholic. I’ll get bored and be back, I’m sure, but this time I am really, really looking forward to the slowness and to the boredom! Bring it on! <3